My friend posted a quote on her FB wall that I just love. It goes like this:
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about the things that matter" -MLK, Jr
On this adoption journey, we have encountered an ugly truth. When it happened, we vowed to do something about it. I'm ashamed to say that life has gotten in the way and we have been silent about something that truly matters to us. Here's the back story....
We were matched a few months ago with a precious young couple in another state. They had chosen us and we spoke with them, hitting it off immediately. Unfortunately, the agency they were with had a miscommunication with our home agency about the price surrounding this adoption. When we got the breakdown of fees, we couldn't afford it and we were just amazed at some of the fees coming out of a "not for profit" agency.
You guys know me. I ask lots of questions and I cannot be quiet when I feel something isn't right. We began speaking with the social worker there to see if there was any wiggle room with the price. We loved this family and wanted to work it out if we could. We were then told that this enormous fee was "standard when adopting a full Caucasian baby when drugs aren't a factor". My jaw hit the floor for a number of reasons. One, the baby wasn't full Caucasian. Both of the birthparents claimed an additional ethnicity besides Caucasian. Two, full Caucasian isn't and never will be our goal. And third (and most importantly), why is there a different price placed on children based on the color of their skin?!
Something flipped in us that day. We went through every emotion possible. So many things were said to us that were offensive and disgusting. In the end, we walked away. It broke our hearts. We have so much love to give a child and we wanted that child. Coincidentally, the baby was a little girl and due on the day my husband and I were engaged. Just heartbreaking.
But not all bad. We figured out exactly what mattered to us. We knew that we couldn't enter into a contract with an agency that held those beliefs. All children are precious and the color of their skin matters in terms of their identity only. And these circumstances were used to guide us toward a wonderful home agency whose beliefs are directly in line with our own. We are now with an agency that provides emotional support for birthmoms before, during, and after delivery. They teach them life skills and help them deal with life after the biggest decision they will ever make. They love their adoptive families and honestly want to help us grow.
Out of the dark devastation we were facing, hope rose up. Something else rose up too. The desire to speak out against an injustice. You see, there are a lot of kids waiting to find their forever family. They can't help the color of their skin and they shouldn't be asked to apologize for it. They shouldn't be devalued because of something that we should have moved past as a country.
I cannot and will not be silent. I'm anxious to hear what you all think our path of action should be? Gonna start with a letter to the governing agency in this particular state. Would love to hear additional ideas.
And please don't leave this thinking that adoption is horrible. Hear me, the exact opposite is true. Adoption is beautiful, wonderful, amazing...when it's done right. Things like this give adoption a bad name. Not my intent. This isn't adoption. This is unfortunate and I cannot rest until I say something. Thanks for listening. <3
