"Time feels slower when we do nothing but wait." -- Toba Beta
Perhaps this should be entitled, "The Waiting Game, What It's Teaching Me, and Why I'm Bad At It", but that felt like too long of a title. Let me tell you about me. I'm a solver. If you present me with a problem, I will find a solution. I don't stop until I have the answer and I can usually find a way to make it work quickly. I've always been this way. I hated waiting on others to answer questions in school, so much so that I'd often blurt it out and get in trouble. And I was that kid who didn't understand why we had to "show our work" in math class to get credit. The answer was right, so why did the steps in between matter? Yes, I was THAT KID.
As I got older, I continued to have this personality. I've chosen a profession where I solve problems all day long. And I have to be able to solve lots of problems at once because there is so much to do. And if I get something on my mind, it must be accomplished so that I can make room up there for other things. It's just me. I'm not perfect, but I am lovable in my imperfection.
So it is a cruel twist of irony that our second adoption is so slow. Painfully slow at times. I've cleaned the attic, rearranged the cabinets, cleaned out my son's toys and his closet. The garage has been organized. Our closet is next (saving that because it terrifies me) and then the guest room. I have to keep busy or I will go crazy, though that's an admittedly short trip these days.
Remember when I told you I'm the person who thought I only needed to get the right answer and not show the steps in between? I've now realized that "showing your work" is what makes the end result worth it. It's in the hard work that we understand what's truly important. And this wait is hard. I cannot explain it but it feels like part of my family isn't under my roof and that is the most unsettling feeling.
So for now, we will continue to organize our home and get our "ducks in a row". We will spend lots of time with our first blessing and make precious memories. And we will not miss the lessons that our hard work is teaching us. It is growing our faith enormously and we are thankful for that. Thanks for listening. <3
"Though the wait is long, my dream of you does not end." --Nuala O'Faolain
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Let's Talk About Infertility
What a light subject, huh? I got an email today about how infertility can affect friendships and it got me thinking about infertility and what a bear it is. It is painful, it is ugly, and it brings to light parts of you that you had no clue were there. And it does affect friendships.
People who struggle with infertility have such difficulty watching friend after friend get pregnant, sometimes without even "trying". It's not that we aren't happy for you, we are. But we want to know what it's like. And for that reason, we go through a series of emotions. Sometimes friends get caught in the crossfire.
I am SO beyond fortunate for the friends who stuck with me in the dark days of our infertility. The ones who had no idea what I was going through, but who listened anyway. The ones who weren't afraid of my tears. The ones who wanted us to have a child too and became our biggest cheerleaders. The ones who were the MOST excited when we were matched and who treat our boy like he is the most special treasure (because he is). The ones who check in with us now and cannot wait to meet our next munchkin.
Yes, infertility has an ugly side. But for us it hasn't been all bad. Because of infertility, we appreciate every little thing about being a parent. We find ourselves looking at each other and smiling over something our son has done (several times a day), just because we know how blessed we are. Infertility ultimately brought us to adoption sooner. We have met some amazing people through our journey and have been able to relate with them in a different way, just because we've faced the same struggles. It has allowed me to be a sounding board and outlet for countless women who are suffering, and I am honored to be able to be that for them.
And infertility has shown me things about myself that I needed to know. I am not good at everything, nor do I have to be. I am the best me I can be, and that's enough. I am strong. I have endured and overcome and have a sweet love story to tell now. Blood doesn't make a family, love does. My road hasn't been easy, but I'm thankful that I was chosen to walk it and that it is taking me to some beautiful places... <3
For those of you struggling, keep your head and your heart in the right place. Lean on those people who are determined to love you, no matter how prickly you are. Remember that they want what's best for you too. And recognize that everybody carries pain in some form. We are all hurting. Give the people around you the love and support you crave and it will come back to you.
People who struggle with infertility have such difficulty watching friend after friend get pregnant, sometimes without even "trying". It's not that we aren't happy for you, we are. But we want to know what it's like. And for that reason, we go through a series of emotions. Sometimes friends get caught in the crossfire.
I am SO beyond fortunate for the friends who stuck with me in the dark days of our infertility. The ones who had no idea what I was going through, but who listened anyway. The ones who weren't afraid of my tears. The ones who wanted us to have a child too and became our biggest cheerleaders. The ones who were the MOST excited when we were matched and who treat our boy like he is the most special treasure (because he is). The ones who check in with us now and cannot wait to meet our next munchkin.
Yes, infertility has an ugly side. But for us it hasn't been all bad. Because of infertility, we appreciate every little thing about being a parent. We find ourselves looking at each other and smiling over something our son has done (several times a day), just because we know how blessed we are. Infertility ultimately brought us to adoption sooner. We have met some amazing people through our journey and have been able to relate with them in a different way, just because we've faced the same struggles. It has allowed me to be a sounding board and outlet for countless women who are suffering, and I am honored to be able to be that for them.
And infertility has shown me things about myself that I needed to know. I am not good at everything, nor do I have to be. I am the best me I can be, and that's enough. I am strong. I have endured and overcome and have a sweet love story to tell now. Blood doesn't make a family, love does. My road hasn't been easy, but I'm thankful that I was chosen to walk it and that it is taking me to some beautiful places... <3
For those of you struggling, keep your head and your heart in the right place. Lean on those people who are determined to love you, no matter how prickly you are. Remember that they want what's best for you too. And recognize that everybody carries pain in some form. We are all hurting. Give the people around you the love and support you crave and it will come back to you.
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